I can’t imagine the pressure that parents feel when naming their children. Finding a name that has a positive connotation, that both parents love and that, ideally, won’t leave their child being one of 10 Sarahs in their kindergarten class can feel like an impossible task.
But when in doubt, go for something classic. If you find yourself resorting to the name of your favorite Transformer or Pokémon, you might be better suited for having a pet, not a child.
Redditors have recently been sharing the worst names they’ve ever heard for children, so we’ve gathered some of the most atrocious ones below. Please don’t take any inspiration from this list when naming your own kids, pandas, and be sure to upvote the names that you hope aren’t actually on birth certificates!
I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise
She said her mom named her that because that’s how she was conceived.
To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Inky-Skies, who posed the question, “What’s the worst name you’ve known to actually be given to a child?”
She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share that the thread was inspired by a conversation she had with her boyfriend about silly names. “He just moved from the US to Germany to live with me, and I explained how the law can intervene here if parents try to give their kids very outrageous or insulting/illegal names,” the OP explained.
“We read a list of silly names online, and I was curious to see if people on Reddit knew someone who gave such names to their kids IRL,” she continued. “I certainly didn’t expect the post to blow up the way it did!”
I work at a school… We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M’King, Carr’money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.
Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 “winner”. Kid number 8 was named “loser”.
Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.
Because outrageous names are banned in Germany, the OP says she doesn’t personally know anyone who’s named their child something that could end up on this list. “But sometimes people will have unusual or weirdly spelled names – my own name, Riccarda, might fall into that category,” she shared.
“And of course, certain names are stigmatized but legal; the female name Chantal (unfortunately my middle name, from before it became stigmatized) or the male name Kevin are examples of that here,” Inky-Skies added.
Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey.
Immediate_Revenue_90:
There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi
We also asked Inky-Skies what she believes are the most important factors parents should consider when choosing names for their kids. “To choose a name that won’t provoke bullying or otherwise negatively affect the child’s life,” she told Bored Panda.
“I think a lot of parents want the name to be funny or unique when choosing such a name, or consider it witty – but they forget that they’re naming a person, not a character or pet,” the OP says. “That person will one day grow up and apply for jobs with their name, have their own social circle and personality. It’s unfair to burden someone with a name that will ridicule them or turn them into a social outcast. That should go above the parents’ need to express themselves.”
Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said “Who told you this? What? You’re gonna get s**t talked by someone named ‘S**t on you’? Tell her to get bent.”
Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.
My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm.
I…had no words.
As far as what Inky-Skies thought of the responses to her post, she says, “I did read through most of them, although after the first thousand or so, it was hard to keep track of them all!”
“One of the funniest I saw was ‘Mnop,’ pronounced Noël – because ‘no L,'” she shared. “Another parent apparently named their child ‘Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze’ – the full name of the anime character – as a first name. A few more: ‘Sexybeth,’ ‘Placenta’ (‘because it sounds like a flower’), ‘Goldfish,’ and ‘WiFi.'”
I once met a kid named “WiFi.” Yep, you heard that right. I guess their parents wanted them to be constantly connected…to their name!
Finally, the OP added that she’s “very happy that really insulting names aren’t allowed in [her] country, because in the end, it’s the child’s dignity that’s at stake.”
“Parents shouldn’t be given free reign if their goal is to dehumanize their children,” she says.
When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.
Banjoman. He went by Bo.
It was pronounced “Banjamen”. So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how “Benjamin” was spelled.
Heard about an airline being sued because the attendants were making fun of a child passenger’s name which is, I s**t you not, Abcde. Like of course your child is going to be bullied for a fuck*ss name like that.
My best friend grew up with a guy whose legal name was *actually* “Lunchbox.” LUNCHBOX!!!! And his younger brother’s name was “Thermos”.
My mom worked in a nicu. Someone named their daughter Chlamydia… because it’s sounds pretty… the social worker talked them into changing it thankfully
There was also: Jellyanus (pronounced helli-ah-nas), More Money, Super Royal, Love Godess, Pajama (paj-ahma), Gary’en and Gary’on, Shaniya & Shanijah, Rowdy, Sir, Heavensentmyblessin’.
My son played soccer with a kid named Anaconda.
We had a customer at work who was a male named Sarah, and another customer (whose family was not American) named Mahboob.
I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who’s name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by D**k or Cap, but preferred D**k.
** I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.
I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.
My dad’s assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means “pig fat” in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.
I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka.
When asked why, the mother said “Because it’s so pretty!” She didn’t care about the history of that name at all.
(For those NITK, it’s the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.).
I once met a kid named “Cyanide.” I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn’t realize it’s also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!
Girl I know from college named her kid “Moatley” because she likes the idea of castle moats and the protection they provide. She’s now pregnant again, can’t wait to see what awful name the next kid is saddled with.
I briefly worked with a lady who’s given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern – no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.
I don’t work in the porn/stripper industry but I’ve had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power.
Philistine. Assuming that the parents were religious, the philistines were *villains* in the bible. wtf.
This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.
Platano..if you’re Spanish/Carribean you’ll especially understand why naming your child that is setting them up to fail..
V*gina. Pronounced VAJ-ah-na. The mother saw the word in print and thought it was nice.
My cousin’s last name begins with ‘K’. He named his daughter “Kitty Kay”.
Envision her initials. Also, envision her as a *grandmother with a name like “Kitty”.
This girl I knew, her legal name was Female. Her mother couldn’t pick a name and it was left as female. Once it was too late to change, it was all hell. Everyone called her Jackie cause that’s what she wanted but legally, her name is Female. We would always fun of her and pronounce it like the word Tamale. fem-all-ee. She hated it😭.
When I was a teenager I worked with a guy named Jack Hoff. As a teacher I had students in the same class named Rusty Buzzoff and Carmen Butts. I also had a student who’s 15 year old sister had a baby girl and named her Pebbles Champagne.
Knowledge Zion
They called him KZ. I say it was a lost opportunity to call him Know for short.
I have a 4th great-grandfather whose first name was Pringle… he was born in the 18th century, so I guess it’s not too uncommon for that time, but damn 😆.
I am a retired teacher and I really know or knew these people and families and so, I cannot make my own comments, but you feel free!
1) Nosmoking (first thing Mom saw when she woke up)
2) Female (3 syllables, rhymes with tamale) (that’s what doctor wrote on her bracelet)
3) Asia
4) Barling (as in darling, just wanted something different)
5) Starfish
6) Rainbow
7) Sir, Mister
8) Knowing God
9) Prince, Princess, Queen, King, Duke
10) Bestie
11) Bictha
These are just the ones that come to mind quickly. There are many more creative ones. My stomach hurts now though.
I used to be a teacher; one of my students was named Alecsys (pronounced Alexis). She hated her name, so she went by Lex.
Worked at a school for a year and met a 7-year-old old whose first name was Alpacino. .
Girl I new once upon a time who’s first name was Candy. Last name was Bar (with two r’s).
My cousin named his son William Robert – so Billy Bob.
I also knew of twins growing up named Major and Royal, not the worst ever I guess but their last name is Payne.
Met a kid named Jayarr. I asked if it meant something. Nope. One parent wanted a kid with initials, the other wanted a kid with a “real” name so they compromised. Worst compromise ever.
I know of 2 different couples, who don’t know each other at all, who both have named a child Sunshine in the past few years. First it was a daughter, and next it was a son.
Sunshine…. both also go by ‘Sunny’.
An Arabic name is called “della,دلّة” which means a coffee maker in Saudi arabic.
Also, an Arabic name is called “azab,عذاب” which basically means -torture-.
In high school, I was friends with this nice kid in my English class. His name was Aryan. And he was black.
I always liked Jason Lee but, Pilot Inspector, is an objectively horrid name for a kid, a pet, f**k i wouldnt name one of my fish that. Like he will never even be in movies unless he changes it. Such a f*****g douchbag move for douchebag dad. For relevance, I have two first names and two last names….that alone caused enough grief for me. I cannot even imagine for him. Also every f*****g human will know who you are just by the name like who would do that to a f*****g baby. Narcissistic as f**k.
