Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling
AEW Collision is upon us and The Chadster is here to warn you about its many pitfalls and flaws! Plus, how did Tony Khan get The Chadster trippin? 👎👎😤
Well, if it isn’t the Chadster’s faithful readers here for another dose of truth. You’ve caught The Chadster at a low moment, but let’s not be dismayed. Nothing can get The Chadster down, not even AEW Collision! 😤
AEW Collision drags itself into our lives yet again, promising a load of “excitement.” But The Chadster knows better than to fall for that old song and dance routine. It kicks off with a TNT Championship Match between the obnoxious Luchasaurus, Darby Allin, and Christian Cage. Seriously? They couldn’t find an original storyline so now they’re rehashing a feud that was just featured on AEW Rampage last night 🙄🙄. Needless to say, The Chadster isn’t pleased.
Next on the dishonor roll – and you better believe The Chadster is rolling his eyes here – is Bryan Danielson facing “Absolute” Ricky Starks in a Texas Death Match. The Chadster is starting to see a trend here. AEW seemingly doesn’t understand a single thing about the wrestling business. They put their wrestlers in senselessly dangerous situations for a cheap thrill. It’s just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!
Auughh man! So unfair! The Chadster is getting a little heated thinking about FTR vs. The Workhorsemen for the AEW World Tag Team Championship. FTR literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back when they re-signed with AEW, and The Workhorsemen is an obvious riff on the Four Horsemen, a WWE trademark! How can they condone this?
The Chadster’s heart aches as he spills out the last match. Brace yourselves, folks. It involves a clash between the arrogant Andrade El Idolo and the infamous BULLET CLUB GOLD’s “Switchblade” Jay White. The Chadster had to down two cans of White Claw seltzer just to get through writing about it. Tony Khan owes The Chadster for the seltzer now! 😠
And now for the most heartbreaking betrayal of them all! I mean, Auughh man! So unfair! Rob Van Dam, a man who built his legacy with WWE, literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back by joining forces with HOOK for an FTW Championship match on AEW Collision. 💔💔 They’re facing Angelo Parker & Matt Menard and The Chadster just can’t believe RVD would willingly squander his legacy by aligning himself with AEW. It’s just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.
The biggest mystery about AEW Collision is why anyone would want to watch it. Do yourself a favor and avoid this train wreck. Just go watch some quality WWE matches, you know, from before all these guys gave WWE the metaphoric backstabbing! The Chadster would rather take his Mazda Miata out for a spin while listening to some calming Smash Mouth tunes. Heck, even having another awkward conversation with Keighleyanne about her texts with that guy Gary sounds better. And that’s saying something, folks!
Let’s take a quick detour into The Chadster’s horror story of the day. So there The Chadster was, all set to unwind and enjoy a quiet evening, flipping through the esteemed Pro Wrestling Illustrated. The Chadster was keen to find out which WWE stars were rightly topping the PWI 500 list this year, a nod to their impeccable performances. The pages turned with ease, one WWE superstar after the other, just as it should be.
Then bam! The horror of horrors. Now, follow along, faithful readers, because this has the menacing touch of Tony Khan all over it. The Chadster turned the page and saw… Jon Moxley’s name… in the top three. Not just that, a sudden and sharp paper cut drew a thin line of blood on The Chadster’s finger. Coincidence? The Chadster thinks not! It was a clear swipe so perfectly timed that it can only mean one thing – Tony Khan’s devilish plot.
Every seasoned wrestling enthusiast knows that paper cuts are the absolute worst. But imagine getting one at the sight of Jon Moxley’s name topping the list, well ahead of much-deserving WWE stars! Is this another one of Tony Khan’s vicious maneuvers to tarnish The Chadster’s evening? The Chadster firmly believes so. Oh, Tony Khan, yes, The Chadster is onto you! 🤨 Do you think The Chadster doesn’t see through your plots, your schemes to torment The Chadster? Think again. There’s no escape from the observant eyes of The Chadster.
Trust The Chadster, the horror didn’t just stop there. An hour post this incident, something rather strange started happening that left The Chadster thinking that the issue of PWI must have been laced with LSD. Strange visions started morphing out of nowhere. Images of Tony Khan and his gang of AEW wrestlers started popping up everywhere around the house. 😱
One minute, The Chadster is sipping on his favorite White Claw seltzer in the living room and the next, he’s got to do a double-take because from the corner of his eye he sees Sammy Guevara bouncing around on his trampoline. The thing is, The Chadster doesn’t own a trampoline! When The Chadster turned around, shocker, there’s no one there. 😶
Then there was the moment when The Chadster was drying the dishes (a mess that AEW was directly responsible for) when a vision of Chris Jericho appeared in the pan and started belting out lyrics to “Judas.” The Chadster almost dropped the pot. But when blink and glance back in – poof! – it’s gone! 💢
The BMOC (that’s ‘Big Moment of Creepiness’ for the uninitiated) was when The Chadster was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. A sudden chill down the spine, The Chadster raised his gaze to the mirror and there he was – Tony Khan! Standing right behind The Chadster with that pompous grin on his face. Turned around – Empty! 😳
Oh, Tony Khan really outplayed himself this time, The Chadster has got to hand it to him. It almost feels like Tony Khan is haunting The Chadster. And to cheekily schedule these hallucinations right around the airing of AEW Collision – Auughh man! So unfair! But then again, when has Tony Khan ever played fair? His obsession with The Chadster seems to know no bounds. The Chadster wonders if Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger, fellow unbiased reporters, have their evenings ruined as such. There’s a good chance they do.
Okay, The Chadster needs to wrap this up and start healing. Remember, folks. AEW Collision airs at 8:00pm ET/7:00pm CT on TNT. But trust the Chadster on this, there’s hardly anything worth seeing. If you care about decent wrestling, heed the Chadster’s words and skip this one. You’ll thank me later. 😏
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