The Chadster takes one week off, and look what happens. When The Chadster saw that AEW was daring to hold a PPV on Labor Day Weekend, the same weekend as WWE’s epic Clash at the Castle PLE and the same weekend as an NXT Takeover, The Chadster has to admit, he lost a little bit of faith in humanity. How could even Tony Khan be so cruel as to try to overshadow WWE’s first stadium event in the UK for over thirty years?! The Chadster has to admit, he fell into a deep depression, bought two cases of White Claw seltzer, and locked himself in the garage for a week with an old VCR and tapes of The Chadster’s favorite episodes of WWE Main Event to pass the time. And when The Chadster emerged from his funk, what did he find? CM Punk, the very man who was just so disrespectful to The Chadster’s beloved WWE in the past, had done what needed to be done and stopped AEW’s momentum right in its tracks!
When The Chadster saw Tony Khan sitting powerless at that All Out media scrum while CM Punk torched his entire company to the ground, The Chadster knew that Tony Khan finally felt what it was like to be The Chadster. Just as Tony Khan and his wrestling company have rendered The Chadster sexually impotent since 2019, so was Tony Khan equally impotent as the wrestler he idolized trashed multiple co-workers and the entire company and made Tony Khan look like a weak pushover. This was, without a doubt, the greatest thing The Chadster has ever watched on YouTube, and let The Chadster tell you, he has seen thousands of Rick Astley videos because for some reason people seem to love tricking The Chadster into watching them.
The Young Bucks and Kenny Omega put so much effort into helping Tony Khan build AEW from the ground up into a real alternative to WWE, which The Chadster found to be a slap in the face to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. But in one half-hour promo, CM Punk shattered all of that work with his legendary ego and lack of self-control. The Chadster doesn’t know what was in those seltzers Punk was chugging while he torpedoed AEW on the biggest night of his career, but The Chadster may have to give up his beloved White Claws for them instead. In The Chadster’s most wasted moments, he has never been so completely out of touch with reality as the straight-edge CM Punk was when he thought AEW fans might ever cheer him again after that explosion. But The Chadster isn’t going to complain, because CM Punk’s sacrifice could be what finally ends AEW’s reign of terror over The Chadster’s sexual potency once and for all.
CM Punk proved himself to be a true friend to WWE, almost as true as The Chadster himself, by completely wrecking months worth of Tony Khan’s disrespectful and extremely unfair storytelling by daring the cornerstones of AEW to confront him in his locker room. And when they did, and an alleged fight broke out, it was a better outcome than The Chadster could have ever imagined. Special shout out to Ace Steel, the greatest hero of this story, who fought tooth-and-nail — but mostly tooth — for The Chadster’s dream of a world without AEW. You truly are a very good boy, Ace Steel. The Chadster hopes that CM Punk gives you lots of treats for what you did.
When Tony Khan appeared on-screen on AEW Dynamite and the crowd booed him, it was, without a doubt, the greatest moment of The Chadster’s entire life. Finally, after CM Punk made a total cuck of Tony Khan, the crowd could see Tony the same way The Chadster sees him: as a man who has no business running a pro wrestling company. Now, The Chadster can only hope that the momentum Punk started continues to destroy AEW from within. Hopefully, despite everything CM Punk has done to him, Tony Khan will still be such a mark that he keeps CM Punk in AEW and punishes The Elite, which would truly drive the stake right into AEW’s heart.
The Chadster never thought he would say this after that very disrespectful pipe bomb so many years ago, but from the bottom of The Chadster’s heart: thank you, CM Punk. You are the hero the wrestling world needs right now, and The Chadster believes, if you continue this glorious work, one day, if The Chadster is very lucky, The Chadster might actually be able to have sex with his wife again.